Wrong Parenting

When a couple becomes the parents of their first child, it is their first experience of becoming the parents. Hence, parents also need some training for the proper upbringing of a child. But what mostly do is seek advice from their parents who themselves were never an expert, who also learnt from their parents. This is where the entire process goes wrong. Parents should be availed with some sort of training in not just carrying a baby but also for the upbringing of the child.

Today, I am going to share different instances experienced or observed by me as a daughter where I could sense wrong method of upbringing.

1. Boys Don't Cry
2. My child keeps disturbing by asking too many questions
3. My daughter got 85%, what about your son?
4. What do we do, we have to give her otherwise she starts crying?
5. See, how naughty she is (in an exciting tone)! She hits the person who scolds her.
6. We'll buy you the new bicycle if you get the first rank.

Lets understand them deeply.

• Boys don't Cry

This is about a few months ago when I was at my uncle's place. My cousin has a son about 5 years old. He was crying for something. And my sister in law, my nephew's mother was in the kitchen. So we were looking out for ways to make him quiet. During this process, one of my uncles said, "Are you a girl? Why are you crying? Boys don't cry? See everybody is here. What will they say about you, that you are a bad boy, you only keep crying."

This was not the first time when I'd heard these words. But this time it was different, perhaps I was searching for the roots of the present-day issues, maybe that's why it hit me so hard. This instance showed me the roots of 2 issues

1. What will people say? (Log kya Kahenge)
2. Boys cannot vent out their emotions and only girls can.

I believe my nephew could have been rather taught not to cry over irrational things. He could have been said that Good children don't cry instead they speak.

• My child keeps disturbing by asking questions all day.

Questions develop in a curious mind, curious minds are active minds. When you shut the mouth of a child asking questions, you don't shut his mouth but his mind. Initial years of a child's brain are the growing years. These are the years that build their logic. But I often hear parents saying that he disturbs a lot by asking too many questions the whole day, so we give him the mobile. He watches cartoons silently. This happens especially when a child asks a question that makes them uncomfortable. Again this makes the process wrong in 2 ways

1. Wrong habits like mobile phone usage
2. Makes their mind lazy

Such situations can only be handled by answering the questions correctly in the right way because there is no rationale to escape. If you are busy, promise your child that you will answer later and fulfil that promise.

• My daughter scored 85%, what about your son?

Comparison is the root of the superiority and inferiority complex and this is one of the biggest mistakes the parents commit. 

Here, again I would like to share an instance. My mother and her sister were having a telephonic conversation. Those were the days when I was more into Craft and I was completing at least one crafting project every day. My mom was sharing this with her sister since my aunt enquired about my present-day activities to which my aunt replied that my daughter does nothing anymore, she used to have such hobbies ago.

This sounded very weird to me, there was no need to talk about her daughter, I found it quite comparative. This expressed her inferiority complex through this reply.

• What do we do, we have to give her otherwise she starts crying?

A few days back, I was having a conversation with my cousin where we were talking about our 1-year-old niece. She was crying because my cousin took the Tv remote from her. When she started crying, my cousin handed over the remote to her. This reminded me of my other nephew. All his desires were fulfilled when he was a child because of the same reason. Today, he is about 7 to 8 years old, he shouts or lies down on the floor anywhere when his desires are not fulfilled.

This made me realize that how fulfilling every desire of your child can build him.

I realized that sometimes ignoring your child's obstinacy is inevitable. This will make the child inattentive and they will automatically stop repeating it every now and then. 

• See, how naughty she is (in an exciting tone)! She hits the person who scolds her.

I was on a video call with my cousin. He has a daughter 1 year old who is very cute. Recently, she has learned to hit the person who scolds her which also seems cute right now because she is just a child. So my cousin scolded her purposefully to show me her reaction and everyone laughed.

There are many such things that children do in their childhood when encouraged, they do more. Because they don't know what is right or wrong. For them when we are happy, they are right. But this affects when they grow up.

• We'll buy you the new bicycle if you get the first rank.

We often hear this, don't we? Parents motivate children to bring marks for the sake of a bicycle. This instills the hunger of greed as well as madness of being first.

Parents should focus on knowledge instead of rank and should teach the same to the children. If they do that, irrespective of what score they get, they will be knowledgeable.

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